A List.

Reasons Why I Felt Like Giving Up On The Whole Music Thing Last Night**:

1- showed up at 8 -- acoustic guitar slung over left shoulder, rarin' to go in my pretty little black dress and flip-flops. on stage was a death metal/hip-hop "band" -- all male, except for one small, skittish female who occasionally moaned into the microphone and beat a tambourine against her leg. but mostly she just trotted around the stage. this was the "band" i was to follow.

2- ordered one drink --vodka & tonic, good for warmin' up the vocal chords -- drink was NOT on the house, even though i was taking the stage in a matter of minutes -- drink was definitely TEN DOLLARS and served in a glass approximately 4 inches tall.

3- sound system was indescribably HORRIBLE. sound man completely unaware of highs v. lows, or volume control for that matter. any time i requested anything ("could you please turn my guitar down?") i was met with a blank stare, to which i finally responded, "okaaay. i guess i'll just start then." so i did. my guitar pretty much sounded like a small animal being tortured. although i was told it improved as i kept playing.

4- only two people showed up for me (my 2 faithful and super-supportive friends who i hugged desperately upon arrival), despite my efforts of "self-promotion" (which i hate). the girl who was scheduled to play after me was surrounded by hordes of friends and fans, which made me really miss my friends who are scattered far and wide. and made me wish i had a manager or a PR person or SOMEONE who could convince people to come to my shows...

5- at a whopping $1.50 a head, i made approximately $3 for the night. upon collection, the guy felt so sorry for me, he gave me $5 instead. pity money.

6- i left in tears, missing my friends, cursing this horrible venue, and cursing my decision to follow this crazy dream.

--and that concludes the list--

(today, i am over it -- for the most part)

**i played a solo set at a bar (whose name i will not mention) located on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.