Alone

today was one of those days where everything just felt...off. i went to one of the Tribeca Film Festival films this afternoon -- saw a series of short films entitled "Ulterior Motives." very interesting. i ended up going alone. which was fine, b/c i actually got a free ticket since i WAS alone. someone had only one extra ticket, and no one else could take it since they were with other people. soo, yes, there are some perks to being...alone...i didn't mind standing in that line by myself. didn't mind sitting in the theater alone (sometimes it is nice to go to a movie solo -- i kind of enjoy that). didn't mind walking to church alone, or walking home, stopping at the grocery store. alone.
it is when night falls. and i start thinking too much. then the aloneness feels thick. and overwhelming. and i want to call to the dark corners of my apartment, "okay you can come out now!" and pray that someone, HE, will come out from behind the sofa, with a soft smile, and rescue me from my lonely Sunday evening.
but, alas, it doesn't happen. and so i go back to my bowl of pasta and glass of red wine, Without A Trace flashing around my eyes, and hope that tomorrow will be better than today. that maybe the loneliness won't be so present. so thick. that tomorrow i will be thankful to be a swinging single gal in new york city. heh.