An Artistic Update

I know I've been a bit quiet lately on the arts front....but that doesn't mean creative ideas and happenings haven't been swirling about my head and life. Well, ok...they are definitely swirling about my head much more so than my life, but I am working on that!

First and foremost, at the top of my creative list of priorities at the moment, is the acting/vocal performance class -- which is kicking...my...butt. I knew that it would, but I just didn't realize in what ways it would! It is so much more than just vocal or acting "technique" -- it is stretching me as a person in ways I didn't even know I needed to be stretched...getting me out of my shell and my comfort zone, breaking down a lot of protective barriers I have had up for years, helping me be more bold and vulnerable, etc. (among other things). This past Monday night we had to deliver an "internal monologue" -- which is basically standing up in front of everyone and talking to someone in your life (who you imagine to be there -- they are not *actually* there) that you have unresolved issues with or things you need to get off your chest...you know -- real vulnerable, soul-exposing kind of stuff. NOT my favorite thing in the world to do! Not only is it difficult for me to be up in front of people in general (I know -- why am I involved in performing arts then?!), but to be emotional? And talk about something very private and/or difficult in front of all those people?? Yeah, it pretty much made me want to vomit. But I did it! And feel so proud of myself for taking such a difficult and big step. And it really is amazing to see what happens when you actually MAKE yourself do these things...these very, very hard things -- it chips away at the surface little by little. My teacher keeps telling me that he *knows* there is so much more underneath the surface that he is trying to draw out. And I so WANT to be drawn out!! I don't know why I self-protect or hold back. I want to be free and open and real, not only to be a better, more effective artist/performer but to be a better and healthier ME. So...that is why I keep going back week after to week to get my butt kicked and to chip away. For growth's sake. And also b/c it IS fun sometimes, too. And a good resume builder :)

Apart from all THAT, I do have ideas for songs and stories and artistic projects that constantly bloom in my head, but sadly, don't often make it out into the world. I find it difficult to balance everything -- all my artistic desires -- along with wedding planning and full-time jobbing (blah) and socializing and New Yorking, etc. But at least the ideas are there, and I am trying to be better about putting them in my journal when they spring into my head so that I can refer back to them later. Things that actually HAVE gotten off the ground lately: a gig coming up Feb. 6th (my first in awhile) and a writing project that I am working on with a friend. The one thing I have not done much of is art -- and my heart aches for it. If someone could help me figure out how to still get paid while NOT having a Day Job, then maybe I could live in NYC and find the time to do all these things that I really want to do! Until then, well...I'll do the best I can.

I DO feel the draw to get back into blogging more regularly, so hopefully I will be seeing you back here sooner rather than later :)