Anniversaries.

Well, October 3rd came and went. As did October 5th, the one year anniversary of my brain surgery. It was both momentous and not at the same time. Event wise, not. In terms of emotion, very. I took some time to allow myself to go back to those moments...the moments leading up to the terrifying "episode" that lead me to the hospital (my momentary loss of speech in which I thought I was having a stroke right there in front of my 13 month old little boy), to the news received about the tumor after my initial MRI, and then the prep for surgery. I read through messages from friends and tearfully talked through the events with Dan. It is interesting that, despite the realness of it all, still seared in my mind so clearly, there are big, huge chunks that are missing, too. Certainly after the surgery thanks to the copious amounts of pain meds I was on! But also in the 40 hours between the start of it all and my surgery. It is like I was in a daze, cocooned in self-preservation, not fully understanding what was happening. That is probably how I got through the surgery in the first place. If I was thinking clearly, I would have been absolutely petrified! Instead I was a bit matter of fact about it all. It was hard to revisit the emotions but good, I think. It is always good to acknowledge your emotions and I think I needed to create some space to feel them again because I am good at burying things way, way down. But buried feelings have a way of seeping out of the cracks at the most inopportune times, you know? I would still like to to write out the whole story one day, as I mentioned a year ago on this blog. As I said then, it would probably be therapeutic for me. We will see...

And speaking of anniversaries, and on a much happier note, another one passed recently, as well. Dan and I celebrated four years of marriage on September 12th. It was much more fun to walk down memory lane for that one! And up next (tomorrow!!) -- October 13th, the anniversary of our very first date SIX years ago! That is one of my favorite nights to think about. The beginning of it all, covered in the possibility of love and twinkly New York magic....sigh....you can read all about it here :)